Detective Club
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  August 11, 2008 --- The Surge Wasn't Designed to Work. If a nation takes on the responsibilities of empire, it is supreme policy to avoid having madmen and juveniles in charge of its management. It was said of Benjamin Disraeli that if he read of news of a typhoon going up the Kowloon Peninsula ( Hong Kong ), he would immediately send a runner over to the Colonial Office with a note inquiring into the health of the cane crop in Trinidad. The best thing to do, you see, if you are serious, about this empire business, is to think both locally and globally at the same time. There is at present no Disraeli running the American Empire, just mischievous brats and raving lunatics. In 2006, the Democrats were the Party of the Pull-Out. They promised, in two years, to entirely withdraw American forces from Iraq if the voters gave them control of Congress, which, one should remember, the voters duly did. George W. Bush knew better. The last time Congress showed any evidence of a spine was during the Hoover Administration ( Congress roused itself for a brief period called " Watergate " and promptly went back to sleep ). Last year and this, the Dem. Congress has handed Bush blank check after blank check to fund the debacle in Iraq. The Surge??? --- Don't make me laugh! The making of Baghdad into an exclusively Shi'ia city and the sending of bucketful upon bucketful of bribery to the outlying Sunni provinces bespeaks failure. It is simply a means to kick the can down the road to 2009 and the next administration. But, oh, those global consequences! Last week Georgia, an America client state, decided to put a stick in the eye of the caged Bear living in South Ossetia, and the Bear came roaring back, all teeth and claws. GW had to be content to slap the back of a bikini-clad Volleyball player and sit on his geo-political hands, his dreams of NATO membership for Georgia up in smoke and right up the chimney! Disraeli would have been appalled.

  August 9, 2008 --- Blasted. Guillaume Depardieu, son of the famous French actor, was arrested Tuesday night at dusk in Vaucressson ( France ) after he crashed his motor scooter. His blood-alcohol level was determined to have been over six times the legal limit. He was not seriously injured, having merely suffered minor scratches and bruises, although his plastic leg was broken in two by the force of the accident. No other vehicle or inanimate object was involved.

  August 8, 2008 --- The Real Jesus Would Have Walked the Entire Distance. Today Barack Obama takes Michelle and the girls on an aeroplane from Chicago ( that city of pristine, civic virtue ) for a one-week vacation in Hawaii. Putting your foot repeatedly in your mouth, several times a day, is tiring business, so a much needed rest is in order. The Obama Campaign's rapidly descending spiral began on the now infamous World Tour, achieving new lows in Berlin where St. O declared himself Citizen of the World ( 3 million Third World citizens will enter the borders of the United States in 2008 and stay for keeps ). The Doves of Peace, that were released into the lower atmosphere on that balmy Summer's Day in Berlin, seemed to have literally shat on St. O's Political Shoulders so thoroughly that no political consultant can expunge the deep brown and white stains which fester all over St. O's heretofore beautiful three-piece suit. Obama's absence leaves the Campaign Trail wide open to John " Napoleon " McCain. Is this political Jujitsu? Now that Jesus, with a Miami Tan, has left the building, will the Madman Across the Waters tie himself into knots shadow-boxing with gnats in Alabama without Obama. American Presidential Politics is so uplifting, isn't it?

  August 6, 2008 --- Let Me Call You Sweetheart ( Deal ) ! In the first bit of tangible news to come out of the Nationalization of Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac, there is a piece of news that is indeed information of a drab nature. Remember how those two non-governmental, governmental loaning bodies were used as a way to apply a Great Society, Racial Preferences philosophy to the mortgage industry? Well, at least Freddie Mac is being used to give all busted and deserving --- is there any other kind??? --- NAMs in 21 states of the Union a means of continuing to live inside their homes for another 300 days ( 10 months ) after they flop on their mortgage payments, before foreclosure proceedings are allowed to begin and, like their Champion Barack Obama ( AKA : Narcissus in a three-piece suit ), while brandishing the color of their collective skins! But uncertainty remains : if only one mortgage payment is made on the 299th day, does the 300-day clock get reset to zero? For those of you who have been struggling mightily to keep your mortgage payments current, P. T. Barnum has but one word for you --- SUCKERS!

 August 4, 2008  --- An Exercise in Futility. After Monopolies fall, they sometimes live on as very profitable, smaller pieces. Standard Oil once bestrode America like an Evil Colossus. After it was smashed apart in 1911, its constituent parts still managed to make its shareholders a pretty penny and, within fifty years, the directors of its smaller pieces had amassed wealth that surpassed the absolute riches which John D. Rockefeller could lay claim to in 1881, the year in which the Standard Oil Works consolidated itself into a legal Monopoly that had an interest in everything from bronze spoons to steel bedpans. What will happen, in future, to the Corporate Media, Electronic and Paper, is anyone's guess, but the Clinton/Lewinsky Scandal officially put paid to its absolute power to create, sell, and shill the news in such a god-like fashion that any dissent voice would be completely blacked-out. No longer can a story be utterly suppressed. Wherever there is an Un-Corporate website there is an unrestricted way of looking at the world, and, if that website has a bit of news that has been smothered, said news will get out. Matt Drudge will go to his grave as the Man who made Monica Lewinsky famous as the Giver of the Blowjob Felt Round the World. Ask Bill Clinton, the old slap & tickle was never more painful.
  The Obama Campaign Thought it could take advantage of the obvious Corporate Media bias towards their candidate's wet White House dreams. Narcissus in a three-piece suit was sent on a World Tour. His picture was taken with other amoral politicians. He said silly things. He made ridiculous pronouncements. Pathetic John McCain gained ten points in the polls. Then Narcissus in a three-piece suit started screaming that he was being picked on because he was, and still is, a Black Guy. The last time such a lead pipe cinch of an operation left harbor with so much ballyhoo, it hit an iceberg before it could reach Nova Scotia.

  August 3, 2008 --- À propos de nothing. BBC Wildlife magazine is being hard on the kiddies. It claims that children, under ten, cannot identify a Daddy-long-legs ( garden spider ), an oak ( tree ), or a Blue Tit ( blue crested, yellow breasted, small sparrow-type bird commonly found in Scotland and the North of England ). I once met a woman, at a beach party, who claimed to be from the South. Pointing in the general direction of a flock of Sea Gulls, she said : " In Mississippi, the chickens usually don't fly in this close to the shore. " No, at least she didn't seem drunk.

  August 1, 2008 --- Bons Mots. From the Department of I-Wish-I-Had-Said-That : Time magazine's Joe Klein was discussing the " success " of the Surge recently. Said Joe : " What we're talking about here is whipped cream on a pile of fertilizer --- a regional policy unprecedented in its stupidity and squalor. "

  July 31, 2008 --- Did He Really Say That?! Is it just me, but since he took the nomination away from Hillary Clinton hasn't Barack Obama made much, much more than his fair share of fox paws ( say faux pas only if you're French. Barry likes to say Mercy Bow-Chicken-Coop, just like Suzanne Somers! ) ???

  July 31, 2008 --- Hey, Barry, Get that Cat Back in the Bag! On Sunday, while speaking to the Unity 08 Convention ( a gathering of NAM media people ) in Chicago, Barack Obama gave the appearance of coming out for reparations : " I consistently believe that when it comes to whether it's Native Americans or African-American issues or reparations, the most important thing for the US government to do is not just offer words, but offer deeds. " Once a Marxist, always a Marxist.

  July 30, 2008 --- No Gang Members On Board. After going its merry, merry way for many, many years, utterly unchallenged, the Corporate Media are now embarrassing themselves on the issue of the alien invasion. Last month a man and his two sons, Americans all, were slaughtered, while they were stuck in San Francisco traffic by a gang-banging Illegal Alien, who had been previously released by SFPD, even though he should have been detained for violating federal immigration statutes. SFPD Lt. Mike Stasko is of a different mind, however. He thinks that the vics. were just asking for it, because they looked like bangers, too! You know, the vics. were wearing their ball caps on sideways, and they were of pure Italian ancestry, so they were dark and greasy-looking --- you known how it is, if every one of your Grandparents came from Sicily : you'd better bleach your skin to look like Michael Jackson or you just might wind up getting yourself shot and serve you right! Right now, the California Corporate Media is giving wide play to Lt. Mike's preposterous theory. It shows, yet again, how twisted the Corporate Media has grown on the Border Invasion issue. The US just can't stop or cut back on Third World Immigration, so any poor American soul who happens to get in the way of flying bullets must be to blame. You deserve it, you crooked capped, swarthy Sicilian, you! Don't leave the house or you might meet up with more trouble than you can handle! If the year were 1935, and an Illegal had murdered Joe DiMaggio on the streets of San Francisco, he would have made the immediate acquaintance of a lamppost and a length of rope, not a long string of excuses.

 July 28, 2008 --- There was No There There. In all political campaigns is it essential to remain fresh. If there is to be a constant message, that message must be constantly renovated in its details. Such is Barack Obama's present problem. Throughout 2007, he presented himself as the obvious alternative to Hillary Clinton. His message did not seem to take. The opinion polls showed him 20 --- sometimes 30 points --- behind, but he was smart enough not to abandon that message. Obama's stubborn belief that Dem. primary voters would balk at voting for a clapped-out, crooked shrew, who possessed a seemingly inexhaustible well of negative charisma, turned out to be a belief of stellar quality. Obama faded at the end of the primary season because ... well, you known, Wrong is Wright, Bittergate, etc. ... but he had beaten the Hillster so soundly, early on, that the delegate count ended up in his favor. But having won the nomination Obama must now renovate his message. And he is struggling. Last week he gave a highly touted speech in Berlin that was remarkably devoid of meaning. One of the platitudes in it was the tearing down of the mind-made walls between the races of mankind. He did this after jetting in from Israel where the physical walls between Jew and Arab are numerous. He canceled a trip to an American Military Hospital because his campaign cameras would have been banned on the grounds of patients' privacy. You have slain the Dragon Lady, St. O, and we all hope that she never returns. But it is high time to begin renovating your message. Rock Star is just something you play on TV. Candidate is an entirely different role, with different requirements. Robert Plant never carried Michigan in the Electoral College.

 July 27, 2008 --- Hiding in the Bushes. In 1913 Congress unconstitutionally surrendered its money-making power to a private banking cartel with a Central Bank at its head, dubbed the Federal Reserve System ( Article 1; Section 8 : ... To coin money, regulate the Valve thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures ... ). Before 1913, the paper notes that Congress had issued were backed by gold. Until 1933, all Federal Reserve notes, issued by the private Central Bank, bore the guaranty that Federal Reserve notes were convertible into gold coin. In 1933, FDR suspended this guaranty, made the holding of gold coin illegal, and ordered the Bureau of Engraving & Printing to turn out Brown Seal National Currency notes, thereby greatly inflating the money supply ( Roosevelt had no constitutional authority to do this, but George W. Bush had no constitutional authority to invade Iraq without a congressional Declaration of War, the Congress being grateful to have its responsibility surrendered to the President in the cause of shirking its duty ). In 1971, Richard Nixon announced that the dollar would not longer even lay claim to being backed by gold, thereby foreclosing any chance that foreign governments would seek to convert their inflated dollars under the Standard of $35.00, the ounce.
  These days, of course, the dollar is backed by nothing but empty political promises. How strange it must be that the lead point person of the Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac mortgage nationalization is Henry Paulson, not Ben Bernanke. The Federal Reserve Act of 1913 effectively left the Secretary of Treasury without a job. The new power to print and coin money was handed over to the new Central Bank, and the Treasury Secretary would be left twiddling his thumbs. Ben seems self-effacing, even bashful. His predecessor, the Great & Almighty Greenscam, proclaimed that not until every last illegal alien was granted a no-money-down, Teaser Rate mortgage that the people of the United States should hang their heads in shame and consider themselves citizens of a ewe-necked nation. Perhaps bashful Ben knows what is coming. What does happen when the Federal Reserve cashes in its last US Treasury note to support bad mortgages, dud credit debt, and busted local banks? In 1922, Germany began furiously inflating the Mark in order to get out from under the crushing war reparations forced upon that country by the 1919 Treaty of Versailles. The hyper-inflation got so bad that for one week the going rate for a First Class postage stamp was 10 Million Marks ( the next week, postage went up to 20,000,000 Marks )!!! Ben has reason to be bashful. He knows what's coming.

Detective Club - Postage Stamp - 10 Million Marks
  German Post Office Stamp, 10 Million Marks ( August, 1923 ).

 July 24, 2008 --- The Prince of Darkness. Robert Novak, long known as one the nastiest Sons of Bitches on the planet, mowed down a 66 yr.-old pedestrian, who was crossing with the light, yesterday morning in DC. Novak sped away from the scene of the accident in his black Corvette, but was apprehended about a block away. DC Police, conscious of his importance, refrained from arresting him, and were satisfied when Novak deigned to accept a traffic ticket for his pains. The pedestrian was taken to the hospital and released some hours later. Novak said that was a good thing.

 July 23, 2008 --- Wicked. Last night I watched The Wicker Man again. It limped into Manhattan more than seven years after it was made ( 1972 ). At first the British Lion Studio bosses thought it to be one of the worst horror films ever made. By 1980, it had achieved full-on cult status. These days it has a new overlay of meaning : it is now generally believed to be an exposé of the ruling political class, in both the United States & the United Kingdom --- that our Anglo rulers are, at bottom, heathen sun-worshiping, sex maniacs who would not miss the chance to perform a human blood-sacrifice at the drop of an elaborate hat. That Britt Ekland has a truly admirable derrière ( a body double was used ) is an added bonus. The NY Times Reviewer was amused about the goings-on, but not too pleased about the end of the film:
Wicker Man Review

  July 23, 2008 --- Dump McCain? The shocking spectacle of Barack Obama, skittering sideways, like a crab, rightwards, along the beams of a corduroy road, has given diehard Republicans something to take heart about. But this is what left-wing Democrat politicians from Chicago do --- they trim in order to get elected. At least Barry is skittering, even if it is sideways. It is difficult to say what John McCain, the invisible turtle, had in mind when he allowed himself to be photographed at Yankee Stadium with scandal-scarred Rudy Giuliani and then jetted up to Maine to see ancient Poppy Bush for a Kodak Moment ( Two Mummies by the Seashore ). It is simply too much to ask of any Vice Presidential choice that he or she rescue this mindlessly desperate candidate from the bottom of the ocean. John McCain, you are our new Capt. Webb!

 July 17, 2008 --- Illiterate Americans, Illiterate Aliens. News of plummeting newspaper circulation continues to, well, make the news --- and it can't all be blamed on the Internet ( people, who use the Internet as their primary source of information, are much more likely to buy a daily newspaper than those who do not, but they are much less likely to buy a second newspaper than they were ten years ago ). The " See Spot Run " Crowd go online and hit youTube to ogle Rihanna in her latest. The current Third World crop of immigrants are much less literate than the old European crop of 100 years ago. My Maternal Grandfather ( Born : 1885; Walked off the Boat and through Ellis Island in 1907 after a brief stint in Switzerland as a Contract Laborer ) took both the NY Daily News --- for the pictures --- and Il Progresso every morning and usually different English & Italian papers in the afternoon. In his world, Rihanna would have been busted by the vice squad for indecent exposure.

  July 14, 2008 --- Unsafe as Houses. This morning the Bush Administration nationalized the mortgage market --- just like that! Of course, Congress must approve this latest act of Presidential Marxism. But just last week Congress voted to abolish the Fourth Amendment, so taking on a little more debt should be no sweat. In yet another example of Welfare for Billionaires, Fannie Mae's outstanding debt is 800 Billion $ and Freddie Mac's outstanding debt is 740 Billion $. Do you think Congress will vote to help pay for the Club's Electric Bill?
   Cast Your Mind back a few years. When Bill Clinton was President he encouraged NAMs ( Non-Asian Minorities ) to apply for mortgages by just showing up at their local bank with a sluggish pulse, no down payment required! Gone were they days when a bank required at least 25% down ( $3,800 ) on a mortgage for a $15,000 House; and years later, at least 10% down ( $5,000 ) would be required on a mortgage for a $50,000 House. You see, the banks figured that if you had skin in the game you were less likely to become foreclosure bait. Afterall banks used to make money by lending money, not by coming into possession of a nonperforming asset ( House ). But those days are over. Those days were bad, old Racist Days. George W. Bush ( Rocket Scientist ) figured that he could outdo Bill Clinton. He put the NAMs in Houses program on steroids. Oh, Sweet Teaser Rate of Life at last I've Found You! No money down & move right in and we'll throw in a little something extra like a 63 inch Liquid Crystal TV, that comes along with an eight-flap, movable BBQ on rollers! The Hell with Tomorrow! It's Money for Nothing & all the Chicks for Free in the Hood! What is it, you say, Mr. & Mrs. Taxpayer, you pay your mortgage on time? Well, just keep on paying promptly, and while you're at it, you can take on the payment of the mortgage next door! Oh, that stupid Global Dollar Standard ( RIP : August 15, 1971 ) ? --- We Hardly Knew Ye!

  July 12, 2008 --- Brown Pride Locos. How Cute! So Cute that the name of this Mexican Gang, prowling California's lovely, touristy Catalina Island, should be the title of a moronic Hollywood movie. But there seems to be just one, big, enormous Hitch before cute - eee - tude can be reached. The Brown Pride Locos are a Mexican Gang that is destroying the tourist trade on lovely, touristy Catalina Island ( Catalina's Mayor, who just hates bad publicity with a purple passion, says that the Brown Pride Locos are just a bunch of high-spirited Kids --- ya gotta luv 'em when they snatch a purse! ). 3 million foreigners enter the United States of Third World Bus Station and stay, each year. One would think that perverted cultures, low IQs, wretched poverty and high crime, all imported on alien backs, would make one think that the hour has come for the US Congress to pass legislation devising a drastic cutback of Immigration Levels and that the time had come to pass a bill enacting a Pathway to Deportation. Of course, if you thought that way, Obama, McCain, and hundreds of federal politicians would call you a thinking racist! Brown Pride Locos --- now aren't they cute!

  July 11, 2008 --- Sarkozy : Et lui? That missing pair of elevator shoes, belonging to the President of the Republic, have turned up. They were found in a very plush hôtel particulier, on the first floor. A very expensive whorehouse rents space on the selfsame floor. Reports, that our modern day Napoleon has been seen walking around Paris in his socks, remain unconfirmed. A remainder to all our French Clubbers --- and there are more than one or two!!! --- Monday is Bastille Day. Vive la Révolution Française, Tous les Jours et tous les Journées!!!

 July 6, 2008 --- Politicians Are People Too! Kabili Tayari, Deputy Mayor of Jersey City, was arrested on Wednesday when he was caught driving a stolen car. It seems that he rented the car on April 6th at the Avis in Newark Airport. Deputy Mayor Tayari ( his Momma calls him Randy Brown when he's at home ) says that he just forgot to go back to Newark to return the car, so arrest him! Tayari is skating on thin ice. Wait till the cops find out about those 25 overdue library books --- he could be looking at Life!

  July 6, 2008 --- Dante Would Laugh. It has been said that either a President Obama or a President McCain will put into practice a far worse Immigration Policy than President Bush. It doesn't seem possible. Are Americans living a Nightmare hatched in a fifty-state Insane Asylum or is God sending us just punishment for the American Sin of turning Politics into Entertainment?

  July 6, 2008  --- Chuck Norris Does Not Sleep. He Waits.

 July 2, 2008 --- He Never Disappoints! Last week John McCain, America's favorite collaborating POW, actually looked like he was trying. He urged that increased off-shore drilling and exploration be commenced so that more petroleum might be sent to market, 3 - 5 years down the line. How's that for being constructive! One might even say --- brilliant! All Barack Obama could do was maunder on about conservation ( a thirsty man, stuck in the middle of desert, does not dream of low-flow shower heads ). But things are getting back to the way they used to be. This afternoon, intrepid John McCain jets into Mexico City to boost Nafta and to thump the tub, so to speak --- imagine John McCain in a tub --- YIKES --- for Open Borders with Latin America and the world beyond. The rumor that John McCain was told that he was gaining on his opponent in polls but decided to set things aright by bringing up the subject of Amnesty for God's Children again is probably true.

 June 28, 2008 --- His Smugness. If Barack Obama loses in November --- a highly unlikely prospect given the fact that John McCain looks to be every inch the Alton Parker ( 1904 ) of his generation --- he can blame his defeat on Smugness. Obama seems, of late, to have perfected a multi-syllabic, droning, sing-song manner of speech with which he happily regales his audience. A recent example of this is the painful, haranguing way in which he blathers on and on about conservation and alternate sources of energy. Hard to believe but true, John McCain seems to have stolen one or more debating points from the front-runner, particularly when he calls for offshore drilling as means of getting out from under $140 a barrel oil. To coin a phrase, there is many a slip between cup & lip. The far-left Democrat must cool his jets until November before he can enjoy his sweet Coronation. July, August, September, and October campaign activities await. Four solid months of seeming to mumble, half-consciously, into a dicto-corder, while waiting for the Crown of the Presidency to be placed on his head, is liable to bore voters senseless and, what's more, lose votes.

  June 25, 2008 --- Open Borders Loser. Since 1997 Congressman Chris Cannon ( R-Utah ) has been a prominent voice for the cause of endless Third World Immigration into the US. He is an Invade the World, Invite the World Republican, if there ever was one. Yesterday he was swamped in a nominating primary by an unknown challenger, 40% - 60%, even though he had outspent his rival $630,000 to $98,000. November looks like it will be a political massacre for Open Borders Republicans. John McCain throw in the towel --- RIGHT NOW!!!

   June 20, 2008 --- Yikes! The word is sweeping the nation, a locution of future nightmares : Obamanation!

     June 20, 2008 --- Mothers FOR Drunken Mexicans. Mothers Against Drunk Driving is suing Mothers Against Illegal Aliens. The Details are funny but sad in a sick, Third World, sort of way ( Click Here ).
    ( The Rumor that Mothers FOR Drunken Mexicans is considering changing its name to Mothers For Mexicans Who Are Experiencing Disturbed Functioning Because of Too Much Alcohol Intake is totally unfounded ).

     June 17, 2008 --- John, 19 : Verses 41 & 42. Tim Russert died on Friday, the 13th. Tim fiercely worshiped St. Condi & Her Mushroom Clouds. According to the Corporate Media, Our Saviour ( Tim ), was worthy of Ascending on the Third Day. Wrong Again --- why don't you make it a habit? --- Corporate Media!

     June 10, 2008 --- Stretching 15 Minutes into 16. Forgotten as soon as NY Gov. Eliot Spitzer resigned last March, the hooker, whom he had hired, entered the mists of obliterated memory along with the Politician who sought fame by trying to overrule his state legislature and grant Drivers' Licenses to Illegal Aliens. But on Sunday, Spitzer's Thousands-a-Night Call Girl resurfaced, strutting her wares along the strand in Sea Girt, on the Jersey Shore. What caught the photographic eye, above all, was a tattoo in Latin : " Tutela Valui. " Given the placement of the tat, Classics Professor Mark Buchan, of New York's Columbia University, holds the opinion that the Latin saying should be translated into English as " Save Haven. " Other experts have also given voice to what our once famous, extremely expensive whore could be trying to tell any fleeced customer who might be coaxed into taking a peek ( Click Here ).

Detective Club

  June 7, 2008 --- Bardot, Continued. On December 23, 2006, Brigitte Bardot wrote : Il y en a marre d'être menés par le bout du nez par cette population qui nous détruit, détruit nôtre pays en imposant ses actes? ( Detective Club of Jersey City translation : Haven't we had enough of being led by the nose by every member of a group that would lay us low, and would destroy our country by visiting its outrages upon us? ). For more details, scroll down to June 4, 2008.

 June 7, 2008 --- Train Wreck. Now that the Democrats have finally fixed upon their nominee, the nation turns it gaze to John McCain, another Socialist war-monger, who thinks that the yearly admission of 3 million foreigners into the country is a paltry number! Lest anyone think that a Democrat President and a Democrat Congress will get us out of Iraq, well, 17 months after our current Dem. Congress blew into DC, we are still in Iraq and our Pacifist Congress is urging George W. Bush, who needs so little encouragement, to turn Iran into a Parking Lot! Jesus Wept.

  June 4, 2008 --- France Attempts to Appease the Third World. Brigitte Bardot has been convicted of " Hate Speech. " She has been fined €16,000 for using her mouth and objecting to the ritual Muslim Slaughter of sheep. At the present time, speech is protected under the US Constitution. Check in again on January 21, 2009 --- you never know!

  June 1, 2008 --- The Joint was Jumping. From Friday night into Saturday morning, seven were dead and three were wounded in the District of Columbia. The Circumstances : a triple street slaying, a drive-by shooting near an Elementary School, a family argument, a falling-out over a dice game. The police came across one victim lying in the middle of a DC street, rendered into an unrecognizable, pulpy mass --- as if clubbed to death by a baseball bat.
Death in DC - Detective Club

  May 28, 2008 --- No Feces, Sherlock! On June 2nd, a book by Scott McClellan ( ex-Press Secretary to the President ) will be published, entitled What Happened ( 341 pgs.; $27.95 ) In it McClellan concludes than George W. Bush was a big liar, and that the scurvy flunkies in Bush's employ were even bigger liars. Save your money. Talk about the bleeding obvious!

    May 25, 2008 --- McCain Throws a Pineapple Into the Works. The Republican US Senator from North Carolina, Elizabeth Dole, easily defeated Erskine Bowles for the office in 2002 ( 54%-45% ). 2008 will not be such a cakewalk for her, thanks to John McCain's presence at the head of the ticket. The Corporate Media is forever saying how attractive John McCain is to Independent Voters. Independents in North Carolina are like Independents in the other 49 states in that they overwhelmingly favor a rapid withdrawal from Iraq and in that they overwhelmingly favor a massive reduction of " Legal " Immigration and a salutary schedule of deportation for Illegals. McCain wants to stay in Iraq until 2013 or 2108 ( depending on the quote ) and he yearns for Amnesty for Border Jumpers and Visa Overstayers in addition to a huge increase of foreigners above the current 2 million intake of  " Legal " Immigrants. At least with Obama there is a faint hope that in the next four years the American Occupation of Iraq will be wound down, although the Invasion of America is sure to continue under both Obama & McCain ( Immigration = Democratic Votes & Cheap Republican Labor ). McCain not only has nothing to offer to Independents that Obama can't match, he is sure to suppress Republican turnout in the Fall. Just call him John " Millstone " McCain, Elizabeth!

  May 24, 2008 --- Just Check In. George W. Bush is not the first US President to have his Marbles called into question. When John Quincy Adams was residing at the White House ( 1825-1829 ), he received many letters; one read : " You are Perfectly Insane. You should apply for admission to the Lunatic Asylum. "

  May 21, 2008 --- Devolution. In 1896 less than half the population of the United States could read or write. In that year, William Jennings Bryan ( Democrat ) ran a campaign against William McKinley, the Republican nominee for President. Bryan ran a vigorous campaign, opposing the Republican plan to hitch the US Dollar to the British Pound Sterling, and thereby the Gold Standard. McKinley beat him, 51%-47%. In 1900 the rivals were the same. This time the main issue was the future plans for an American Overseas Empire. Bryan wanted out of the Philippines and Cuba. McKinley beat him again, 52%-46%.
   In 2008 most Americans are considered literate, even though they would rather spend their free-time in front of the TV, Zombified, rather than pick up a newspaper or a book. Barack Obama speaks of " Change. " But what he means exactly by this catchword is yet to be determined. The outward and upward rush of Evolution is again disproved. The illiterates of 1896 had more brain power and less gullible capacity.

  May 19, 2008 --- Anticipation. The Crewe ( UK ) by-election takes place on Thursday, May 22nd. And New Labour is bitting its collective fingernails!!!

  May 17, 2008 --- Ancient Chinese Philosopher Say : When your Ship comes in, don't be caught waiting at the Bus Station.

   May 13, 2008 --- Twelve Years Late & Billions of Dollars Short. According to a story ( Click Here ) in yesterday's editions of The New York Times, the Missouri legislature is about to pass a ballot initiative that would require all persons, registering as voters for the first time in Missouri, to prove that they are eligible US citizens by showing either naturalization papers, a true copy of a birth certificate, or a US Passport. Only the state of Arizona now has this requirement on its statute books.
   Supporters of the Initiative point to 1996, when " B-1 " Bob Dornan lost his California Congressional seat because of foreign voter registration chicanery. In that year, Dornan was very narrowly defeated by an Democrat Upstart, known as Loretta Sanchez ( a daughter of illegal aliens from Mexico, she had already run & lost a 1994 race for Congress under another name! Using her maiden name of Sanchez, in 1996, was understandable for her English was shockingly bad). After losing, Dornan demanded an investigation into the dubious last minute rush of Mexicans that his victorious challenger had doped up the voting rolls withal. Dornan's Bloodhounds had managed to sniff out 624 non-citizens who had been finagled onto the rolls of the district. The remaining suspicion was that there were many more than 624 ringer Mexicans on the election roll ( an additional 124 ineligible voters were barred from voting an Election Day; when the final tally was finished, more than a year later, it was estimated that more than 4,700 votes had been cast by illegal aliens --- the final tally placed Sanchez ahead of Dornan by 979 votes ). Even though it was painfully obvious that Dornan had had the election stolen out from under him, his fellow Republicans, who then controlled the House of Representatives, decided to award the contested seat to his " colorful " opponent. The word " racism " had been much in use, and in the late 20th century; that magical word had more power than all the incantations of Merlin.
  The Supreme Irony of the whole rigmarole was that " B-1 " Bob of Orange County was a big booster of Immigration! He seldom missed an opportunity to mouth the standard platitudes, starting with " There is just one race, the Congressman Bob Dornanhuman race!, " and working his way down from that august plateau. After losing his electoral race because members of the human race had been bused in from Mexico, " B-1 " was so mad he could spit and then some. Republicans are slowly waking up to the fate that immigrants, legal and illegal, do not care for them very much --- not even a little! " B-1's " Fate is an objective lesson out of the Republican collective Past. In Missouri, this lesson has taken Twelve Years to sink in. Talk about being slower than a turtle! But don't despair Jackasses ( Democrats ), there are still more than enough Republicans who will say every day and in every way that " There is just one race, the human race. " That line must be in the preamble to the Immigration Act of 1965. Place your bets, ladies and gents. John McCain will be uttering this golden platitude any day now, although how he squares this sentiment with his beloved fantasy of bombing Iran good and hard is a mystery!
     May 6, 2008 --- Poison Is On Special This Week! Fareed Zakaria, an Indian born of a prominent political and newspaper family, says, in his new ponderous tome, The Post-American World, " The potential for a new burst of American productivity depends not on our educational system or R & D spending, but on our immigration policies. If these people [ immigrants ] are allowed and encouraged to stay, then innovation will happen here. If they leave, they'll take it with them ... [ America ] remains the most open, flexible society in the world, able to absorb other people [ sic ], cultures, ideas, goods, and services. The country thrives on the hunger and energy of poor immigrants. "
More than 5 years after the American Invasion of Iraq and the ensuing 5 years of an unceasing tattoo of failure, such biliousness hogwash about immigration, in the corporate media, is customary. In 1989 the Berlin Wall fell and the US Military/Industrial Complex began a frantic quest for a raison d'être. Panama, Somalia, the Balkans, etc. were small, pointless, ridiculous objectives that would obviously not do. In March of 2003 George W. Bush declared all-out war in the Middle East and prayed that Iraq would be a stepping stone to Syria, Iran and beyond. Not content with merely bombing mudhuts in Mogadishu, the Man from Crawford had stood logic on its head and transformed the America Military into an auxiliary of the IDF --- Tel Aviv's primo Bouncer! The disaster of the American Occupation of Iraq has dwarfed any proceeding American military blunder --- George Armstrong Custer looks up from Hell and laughs! From George W. Bush pressing heated coat-hangers to the buttocks of yelping Yalie pledges to the kidnapping of taxi drivers and goat herders by US forces, for the purpose of subjecting them to the most bizarre and revolting forms of torture imaginable, in order to quell sheer frustration and confusion, it is nothing less than Apollo consuming his children for starters and his own vitals for afters.
    Like the Dog's Breakfast of the Iraq Occupation, to continue to draw in more than 3 million immigrants from the Third World is considered a virtuous pursuit by the corporate elite. By failing, we will achieve success! Since 1965, when the absolute number of the alien intake was less than three hundred thousand, failure to assimilate the growing Third World rabble has begged a madhouse solution, always; until at present our intake stands temporarily at some three millions, pausing only to raise yet again with each coming year. As in Iraq, the heated coat-hanger is applied yet again to the sit-upon of the nation. Mission Accomplished! Doing Jobs that Americans Just Won't Do! Fire in the Mind! Heck of a Job, Brownie! Betty Bughouse in the dayroom of a Lunatic Asylum makes more coherent sense.
     Pandit Zakaria's book is ranked No. 15 on Amazon this morning. Dr. Johnson once said about a book that was wildly popular in his day : " I'd rather praise it than read it! " Amen, brother --- join the congregation!

   April 27, 2008 --- Chasing Admiral Darlan. Admiral Jean François Darlan was de facto head of the Vichy Government, for a brief time in 1942, until Berlin forced the French figurehead, Marshal Pétain, to turn over day-to-day governmental operations to Pierre Laval. Thereafter, Admiral Darlan was sent to sea. He and General Alphonse Juin were in Algiers on November 8, 1942 when they were caught up in Lt. Gen. Eisenhower's " Operation Torch. " Darlan and Juin soon found themselves captured and placed under arrest by Gaullist military cadets. On Nov. 14th, Eisenhower ordered Darlan released after he pledged to shift his Vichy forces to the Allied side.  But the Germans did not remain inactive : they seized control of all Vichy military instillations in the Midi ( South France ), voiding the armistice of June, 1940. Intestine fighting broke out in the port of Toulon and much of the tonnage there was scuttled before it could fall into German hands.
    During the Afternoon of December 24, 1942, Admiral Darlan was going from room to room within his offices at the Prefect's Palace in Algiers. As he reached to turn a doorknob to his private study, he was shot in the face and chest by someone who had signed himself in at the reception desk of the Palace as " Morand. " An unconscious Darlan was hurriedly trundled to a staff car, but he bled to death before the auto could reach the hospital. Morand was branded a " terrorist " by a drumhead military French Colonial Court-Martial and shot by firing-squad two days later, as Darlan's funeral procession wended its way through the heart of Algiers. To this day, there is great suspicion that " Morand " was, at the very least, a quadruple agent. The British, the Germans, de Gaulle, and the Maquis all wanted Darlan out of the way for various reasons. Only the Americans appeared to have no motive in contracting for Darlan's death as the Admiral was seen as a close ally who had consistently urged the considerable ex-Vichyist forces under his control to work as closely with the Americans as they had done with the Germans. Rumor had it that British MI6 was offering a bonus for Darlan's scalp. For months afterward, the sick joke in English pubs was that Darlan had been shot twice by twenty assassins.
     This Morning the American Puppet dictator in Kabul was almost shot. Amid general carnage, he barely escaped with his skin unbruised. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose!  

  April 21, 2008 --- Still Waiting for His Close-Up. The victory of John McCain has several aspects. Above all, the Corporate Media have been touting his return from the political boneyard. After all, McCain is their man: a politician who finds nothing extraordinary in staying in Iraq for one hundred years, and a politician who wants the borders of the United States to remain open indefinitely. But perhaps the most striking characteristic of the Return of John McCain is the grotesque nature of the man himself and the party he represents. McCain and Republican office-holders, who must run on the same ticket, have become slaves to the Tel Aviv line abroad and the Mexico City line at home. Before that particular day in September, 2001 ( when " the world changed " ), Tel Aviv had always attempted in entangle Washington in the Middle East, to act as a sort of super bouncer on behalf of Israeli interests. With the Invasion of Iraq in March, 2003, it was " mission accomplished " for Ariel Sharon. The Invasion of the United States, since the passage of the Immigration Act of 1965, has always had a bi-partisan cheering squad, egging the Invasion on and keeping it going. It was just ten months ago that John " McNasty " McCain cursed out several colleagues in the corridors of the US Senate for not supporting amnesty for 20 million foreign border jumpers and visa overstayers. Republican voters acknowledge that the 5 yr. Occupation of Iraq has been and has continued to be a costly and bloody failure. Republican politicians who promote amnesty may as well come out for puppy-murder. Since McCain bagged the Republican nomination in February, he has escaped bad publicity, for the most part; but now that Hillary is about to breathe her last Presidential Breath of Hope & Ziggy Stardust ( Barack Obama ) finally grasps the prize that is to be his alone, McCain cannot count on uninterrupted, smooth sailing. The Corporate Media cherishes beautiful Ziggy much more than it venerates old and ugly McNasty. There is a Close-Up coming for John McCain that will inevitably cause the public to wretch.

    April 14, 2008 --- Throw the Bums Out. One of the unwelcome consequences of the 1965 Immigration Act, which opened up America to the orgiastic entry of the Third World, is the importation of an increased rate of crime, that is most distinctly un-European. In the frenzy of the 1965 moment, mandating immigration of the Third World was looked upon as a chance to atone for old sins. The future horror that would unfold was unimagined. In 1965, it was time to get down on one's knees and ask forgiveness of the entire world and to appear not to be an uncouth person, à la Simon Legree. A clean sponge to wipe the dirty conscience, if you will!
    In the 2008 moment, the bill has come due --- very due. There are at present 139,000 foreign criminals, who have served their prison sentences, and then, having been detained in immigration jail for a further six months, have been let out, free as birds, into the American atmosphere because their countries of origin have refused to take them back and have proclaimed a resounding NO to the prospect of a return journey for any man Jack of them. These countries of infamy are notably Jamaica, Vietnam, China, India, Ethiopia, Laos, Eritrea, & Iran. Some Republican Senators and Congressmen have proposed legislation denying the visa privilege to these recalcitrant nations. Why should a foreign nation be allowed to dump its riffraff on the United States and get away breezily without being obliged to take the self-same riffraff back when it goes astray? Sounds like an idea that is in full season and ripe for the picking! Overdue --- very overdue --- by 43 years, Suckers!

  April 6, 2008 --- Operation Chaos? For about two months, Rush Limbaugh, America's favorite radio motor mouth, has been pushing a plan to shake up the Democratic Party Presidential selection process. He calls it " Operation Chaos. " His aim is to prolong the Jackass primary season until June, thereby creating a cauldron of boiling, bad blood in the ranks. He urges his listeners to register or proclaim themselves as Democrats, so that they might vote in the primaries for Hillary Clinton, encouraging her to stay in the Democratic Party race. By constantly promoting " Operation Chaos " Limbaugh hopes to keep his brand before the public and his CUME above 10 million. Think about it Ditto Heads! Limbaugh is the man who has cheered on George W. Bush since 2000. Bush is the man who has given the nation domestic spending polices as profligate as Lyndon Baines Johnson's and a foreign policy so Israeli-centric that a Bluetooth®, receiving messages from Tel Aviv, seems to have been built into King George's head. Operation Chaos? More like Operation Slight of Hand!  Think again, Ditto Heads! Obama and the Hillster are running to the right of George W. Bush, but Rush is too embarrassed to say so. In Rush Limbaugh's mouth, the word " conservative " has no meaning.

Detective Club of Jersey City
 In AIR GUITAR NATION ( 2007 ), Björn Türoque Says : To Air is Human, To Air-Guitar, Divine.
( Seen Here : Sonyk Rok, the Queen of Air Supremacy ).

   March 30, 2008 --- A Patriot Act ( for the US Economy ). Tomorrow the US Treasury Department trots out, for Congressional perusal, " new " proposals that would abolish the Securities & Exchange Commission ( equities trading ) and the Office of Thrift Supervision ( banking oversight ). These new proposals are not new at all, but they have been gathering dust for long Bush years. The time is ripe, so to speak. Remember September, 2001? How the Corporate Media willingly played Chicken Little and screamed down the walls that the sky was falling and that the world was about to end? The end result : a suppurating monstrosity known as the " Patriot Act. " The new Treasury Dept. proposals, called THE BLUEPRINT, would rearrange a " patchwork " of executive branch agencies and hand them over to the central bank, otherwise known as the Federal Reserve System. Because these government agencies don't seem to work ( surprise! ), the posited propaganda solution is to turn their non-working powers over to the Federal Reserve, where they will be made to work!!! Billionaires may not believe in Jesus, but they shall never forget to preach that a private banking cartel is universal salvation --- 1929, 1933, and 1971 notwithstanding!

     March 27, 2008 --- Welfare for Billionaires. The Federal Reserve System, once called the Federal Reserve Bank, is presently allowing private banks, such as Cantor Fitzgerald and RBS Greenwich Capital, to borrow money from the Federal Reserve by using non-performing loans as collateral. These non-performing loans are known to one and all as subprime mortgages. The Federal Reserve Bank is a private bank that was established in 1913 by the US Congress. Under the US Constitution, only Congress has the authority to issue bank notes and coin specie; but the US Supreme Court has turned a blind eye to this unlawful practice of surrendering the people's money power to a private banking cartel. If you are about to be evicted from your home because you can't meet the payment on your resetting ARM, just try to get the Chairman on the phone in hopes of securing a loan, but RBS Greenwich Capital can claim your dud, non-performing mortgage as collateral! We have been fed the boilerplate pablum that what the Fed is currently doing is all for the best, all for the good of the world banking system. During the period of 1913-1933 you could go down to Liberty Street in lower Manhattan and cash in your Federal Reserve notes for gold. During the period of 1944-1971 foreign Central Banks could call up Liberty Street and demand that the printed money in their accounts be credited to another account, weighed in gold bars. History teaches us that no supreme central bank, based on fiat currency, goes on forever --- they all crash, there are no exceptions to this golden rule. Afterall, the " Reserve " in Federal Reserve means that it is gold which backs the paper promise on all Federal Reserve Notes printed before March of 1933, when FDR had the wording changed and flooded the country with brand, spanking, new notes with the word " Gold " omitted and decreed that the holding of gold notes would, henceforth, be illegal. When Nixon tore up the Bretton Woods Agreement on August 15, 1971, a Hot Dog was 25¢, a slice of Pizza was 35¢, and a boxseat behind the Yankee dugout only $3.50. How long can the US Central Bank last ( a private bank without reserves of any kind except dud, subprime mortgages )? Place your bets on the precise day of doom. But remember if you win that bet, make sure the payout isn't in worthless Federal Reserve Notes!

    March 23, 2008 --- Snail Mail. Michael Szybalski, a resident of Warsaw, had mailed a First Class letter to an address about seven miles ( 11.1 kilometers ) away. The letter was posted on December 20, 2007 and arrived on January 3, 2008, a time period of 294 hours. A Polish Garden Snail, he says, travels at the rate of 0.029 miles per hour. During the 294 hours between December 20th and January 3rd, Mr. Szybalski's letter traveled at the rate of 0.023 miles per hour, thanks to the Post Office. The Polish Post Office has refused to comment. Garden Snails need not feel slighted.

    March 22, 2008 --- Cigarettes, Whiskey & Wild, Wild Women. The brand, spanking, new, Black & Blind Governor of the state of New York has been exposed! Turns out that, when David Paterson was a NY state Senator, he used his campaign kitty to order up boilermakers and sign up for hotel rooms for special lady friends ( anyone, who tries to tell the old joke about the blind-drunk blind man and the hooker who bumped into each other in a church pew, will be severely punished, because absolutely filthy jokes are not allowed here! ). But every thing's alright now --- because he just paid all the money back ( or so we have been told ). Hey, all Spitzer did was pay for whores, at Alaska Gold Rush Prices, with his own money --- and he had to go! Talk about life being unfair!

   March 16, 2008 --- Ruthless. Forty Years Ago Yesterday. California Gov. Ronald Reagan, commenting on US Senator Robert Kennedy's impending announcement of his candidacy for the Democratic Presidential Nomination, said that the NY Senator was about to undertake a " ruthless and cynical act of opportunism " after Minnesota Senator Eugene McCarthy had won 20 of the 24 New Hampshire convention delegates in the state's primary, a few days ago. Reagan added that Kennedy was " jumping in after someone else had done the spadework. " Meanwhile, Senator Kennedy was in attendance at a festive event, held in the dinning room of the Garden City Hotel ( Long Island, New York ). Kennedy expressed surprised when friends presented to him a plump belly dancer, who proceed to brake into a practiced series of bumps and wiggles. Senator Kennedy appeared amused.

  Mar. 16, 2008 --- Special Treatment in the Bizarro World. According to the Princeton ( New Jersey ) Packet, Javier Quiez, 39, and Javier Quiez Jr., 19, were arrested at their domicile, early Thursday morning, by agents of US Immigration & Customs Enforcement. Both had received orders from the INS to leave the United States and return to their native country of Guatemala no later than September 9, 1997. Yes, that's not a typo! Javier Sr. & Javier Jr. are 10½ years late in returning to the spot on the globe from whence they came. Considered flight risks, both are cooling their heels in separate local jails, where they await deportation ( FINALLY! ). It is good to see that the law is evenly applied, here, in Third World Bus Station. Why, some jurisdictions consider a library book that has gone two years overdue to be petty thief! There have been reports of cops showing up at the homes of delinquent borrowers, waving a pair of cuffs in the air, and telling the vicious Cagneys to came out with their hands up! Javier & Javier : 10½ Years Overdue. Sounds like a comedy team. But the Joke, as they say, is on us.

  March 13, 2008  ---  Kristen ( Spitzer's Trick ). AKA --- Ashley Youmans. AKA --- Ashley Alexandra Dupré. AKA --- Ashley Rae Maika DiPietro, etc. President, Head Cook, & Chief Bottlewasher of Pasché New York, Incorporated ( a one-girl band ). Used to call Spitzer " Boo. " Her Philosophy of Life is " Positive Energy Will Attract Positive Energy " --- why did she forget to tell that to Spitzer? On a first date she has the habit of turning to the guy and fixing him with a baleful stare and slowly saying this phrase : " Can You Handle Me? " She has an enormous, great, big honker ( nose ). Count me out. Spitzer liked It Rough and she told her pimp that she could handle Rough but only for extra. She is currently entertaining offers from record labels.

  March 11, 2008 --- How Spitzer Got Caught ( Meow, Said the QAT! ). The details are sordid and pedestrian. The pimps and prostitutes who New York Governor paid off were using front companies to accept credit card payments. These front companies were named QAT Consulting and QAT International. If you thought that QAT is pronounced just like " cat, " as in Cat House, well, the way you think and the way the IRS thinks is working on the same level. I'm sure the IRS got the joke rather quickly; but what flagged this prostitution set-up in the eyes of the IRS, above all, is that the pimps running it neglected to declare the company's earnings to the IRS!  --- and the IRS looks darkly on US businesses that don't declare. So it was inevitable, in the course of time, for QAT and her horizontal Kitties to scamper under the trained nose of the federal tax people. Poor Eliot! He was naive enough to think that if his wife saw his credit card statement, she wouldn't cotton to what in the world QAT meant. Eliot forgot to remember that his wife reads the New York Times, every morning, like everybody else does!

   March 1o, 2008 --- NY Gov. Eliot Spitzer Caught in Prostitution & Drugs ( ? ) Sting. According to breaking reports, New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has been entangled in a Prostitution Ring. On February 13, 2008, after signing into the Mayflower Hotel, under an assumed name, he called a hooker working for the internet, telling her to travel from New York to Room 871 at the Mayflower in order to perform a " special " sex act on him. Reports indicate that he paid the hooker a sum in excess of $3,500. If these reports are true, Spitzer violated the federal Mann Act ( White Slave Traffic Act of 1910 ). Two New Jersey pimps, who ran Spitzer's " trick, " were arrested in New York by federal authorities on Thursday, along with several prostitutes in their employ, who they had hired out to clients. A search warrant was executed that same day. In the pimps' apt., $600,000 in cash was uncovered. If past is prologue, the large amount of money uncovered may lead to the drug trade. Organized Crime has a well earned reputation of laundering drug money through high-class ( expensive ) prostitution set-ups. At this time, Spitzer is being energetically encouraged by Democratic Party leaders to hand in his resignation.

  March 8, 2008 --- The End of Empire, Pt. 1 ( Great Britain ). On June 14, 1940 slow moving columns of German tanks, with speeding armed cars racing ahead, crawled through the suburbs of Argenteuil and Neuilly and passed through the broken gates of Paris. The columns proceeded at a leisurely pace down the Champs-Élysées, where they put on an informal review of sorts under the anxious eyes of the disarmed Paris police ...

  March 7, 2008 --- You're Supposed to Lose! Last Month Alvin Paulson, of Belleville, Missouri, flew to St. Thomas in the U. S. Virgin Islands, for a quick vacation. After he arrived he stopped by the Ocean Club Gaming Center and fed a twenty dollar bill into the " Monster Payout " Slot Machine. He pulled the bejeweled handle and no sooner had he done so, that he was regaled with the sound of explosions and the sight of flashing lights. The screen on the machine informed him that he had just won the Super Jackpot of $5,150,000.00 ( 5 Million, one Hundred & Fifty Thousand Dollars is how it would look on a check ). Alvin Paulson just stood there, luxuriating in the moment, as a steady stream of quarters, pouring from the mouth of the machine, gathered round his feet. Mr. Paulson's happiness was soon short-circuited, however, when the casino manager scurried behind the machine and pulled the plug. The rush of quarters abruptly stopped; and the manager beckoned for two underlings, who ran in with buckets and shovels, and who then proceeded to scoop up all the quarters that Mr. Paulson had just won. But it seems that Mr. Paulson had not been the beneficiary of a successful $20 wager after all. No, certainly not! The casino manager informed Mr. Paulson that he was, in fact, a cunning gambler who should not try to take advantage of a mechanical malfunction! The slot machine was broken and was simply paying out more than five million dollars in error! The management was willing to let bygones be bygones and not have Mr. Paulson arrested for manipulating the machine. So big hearted was the management that Mr. Paulson was offered one hundred dollars in gaming chips and a coupon 5 Million $ Hamburgerfor a free, deluxe hamburger in the very plush Club Dining Room! Mr. Paulson showed how poorly he was raised by his parents when he turned down this most generous offer of hospitality. Mr. Paulson has filed a complaint with the US Virgin Islands Gaming Commission, to which Mr. Paulson has yet to receive a response. Mr. Paulson, an attorney, is looking for one to help him sue. I am of the opinion that the slot machine in question never had 5 mil. + of quarters in it; the Club owners are, of course, too embarrassed to admit it. But I'll bet that the Club had at least 5 million dollars worth of deluxe hamburger coupons, which had just been run off at Kinkos. Who knows? Perhaps Mr. Paulson should have held out for majority ownership in the very plush Club Dining Room! There's were the really big money is in that casino!

   March 4, 2008 --- Since When Did Killing Puppies Become OK? Alex Jones ( 9.985 kHz SW ) accused Michelle Malkin, today, of condoning the murder of puppies in Iraq and Afghanistan. Say it ain't so, Michelle. A woman who looked like that in 1992 could not possibly turn out to be so warped!

   March 1, 2008 --- Is There a Bull Moose in the House? The results for the 1912 Presidential Election have just come in! Woodrow Wilson ( Democrat ) 42%; Theodore Roosevelt ( Bull Moose ) 27%; William Howard Taft ( Republican ) 23%; Communists, Socialists, Anarchists, Prohibitionists, Exhibitionists & Others 8%.

Detective Club of Jersey City
  Not You Moose ( No one Ever Called Him Bill )!

   February 29, 2008 ---  No Surprises. Edwin Rubenstein talks about the release of statistics, by the Bush Administration, which boast of the rapid increase in the deportation of foreign criminals from the United States. Rubenstein argues that these statistics are a con job. In going through them, he finds that the numbers suggest that, within a short period of time, individual foreigners, who have been repeatedly deported but soon jump the border and return, are counted as having been successfully and permanently deported ( Click Here for  Details )! Pat Buchanan decries the Bush Administration's unwillingness to construct a new barrier along the border with Mexico or even to maintain the ramshackle barrier now in place ( Click Here for Details ). Anyone who thinks that John McCain, who is running for Bush's Third Term, will do anything to stop the current invasion, also thinks and believes that being kicked by the same mule, over and over again, is a highly educational pursuit.

   Feb. 28, 2008 --- Daddy Went Out & Bought Her New Friends. Bribery, used as a primary technique of government, is not usually a good means of getting things done. The Bribers and the Bribees tend to regard the state as personal property, not an entity meant for the common good. But when you see your Best Bunkie, lying on the ground at you feet in a bloody pool, his head having just been ventilated by the man who is now holding a AK-47 to your temple, your steady Philosophy of what is effective government tends to undergo a spontaneous readjustment. If a hefty bribe seems to be in order, just to renegotiate a pressing and present difficulty, well then, let's pay it! Sunnis who have been shooting and blowing up G. I.s are now fully enlisted members of local Police & Militia Forces ( for a price )! And you thought it was THE SURGE! Remember this one thing above all : John Wayne was an actor; during the hot and heaviness of WWII, he dodged the Draft while listening to Frank Sinatra, who pretended to be Betty Bughouse when he met his local Draft Board. To learn more about the Philosophy of Cash on the Barrel Head in Iraq, Click Here.

   February 28, 2008 --- William F. Buckley Jr., RIP. There was the good : he was a most forgiving owner the the World's Greatest Classical Music Radio Station, WNCN. There was the bad : in the early Nineties he fired Joe Sobran and allowed National Review to be turned into an annex of the Tel Aviv-West End Avenue Propaganda Ministry. There was the sublime : hired as a commentator by ABC News to provide pithiness for the Democratic National Convention during the last week of August, 1968, he turned to Gore Vidal and said : "Now listen, you Queer. Stop calling me a Crypto-Nazi, or I'll Sock You in your Goddamn face, and you'll stay plastered!"

   February 26, 2008 ---  When in Rome? If you wear a toga as you tour Rome does that make you Caligula? Below is photograph that may have been coaxed out of hiding by the Clinton Campaign. Obama is supposed to be the guy on the left. Just because he dresses like that when goes on vacation, that don't make him a bad person ( as they used to say in Philadelphia! ). Let's hope the Obama Campaign doesn't release that photo of Hillary in a house dress ( Yikes! --- afterall, men, who are over fifty, have a right not to be shocked into a heart attack when they open the morning paper ). No, reports that Obama dated Alicia Keys are just downright malicious rumors ( more about her later ).

   February 26, 2008 --- Alicia Keys Test Link ( Italian Radio ).

  February 24, 2008 --- Winner Lose All. In her most recent column, Ann Coulter speculates on what the reasons might be behind John McCain's apparent capture of the GOP Presidential Nomination. She blames the McCain-Feingold Campaign Financing Act most of all. She does have a point : the burden of having to raise, day in and day out, small amounts of cash ( $2,400 is the topmost limit ), favors politicians who are already known to the public. An Unknown, with little name-recognition, faces a seemingly insurmountable task in just getting his name before the voters ( but Ron Paul and Barack Obama seem to disprove Coulter's argument ). But what will do John McCain in is the perverted spirit of Chicago, 1968. You may recall the chaos of that year : the Democrats had reaped the whirlwind after having sown a crooked and closed primary process. Bobby Kennedy won the next-to-last primary in California and was assassinated on victory night. Even if he had lived to go on to Chicago, he would have never achieved a majority of the convention delegates. Gene McCarthy won the last primary, in New York, but he was mired in the third place in the delegate count. Vice President Hubert Humphrey managed to inherit all of retiring President Lyndon Johnson's delegates for a winning majority, without having to contest any one of the open primaries, which were won by either Kennedy or McCarthy. Riots broke out in that hot August, forty years ago. Both parties thought they learned a big lesson --- from that moment on, elected delegates, not party hacks, would determine the Presidential Nominee. But the Republicans, always looking to bow down before an Almighty Leader, have outsmarted themselves in 2008. In dictating that some states have winner-take-all arrangements --- so that a winner could be determined quickly --- they wound up with John McCain, who won a winning total plurality of 35% in Florida and all the state's delegates, even thought 65% of Florida voters had rejected him. Come November, when the reverse-coattail McCain effect dooms Republican seats in the House & Senate, Republicans will have ample reason to repent of the winner-take-all and follow-the-leader-over-the-cliff philosophies that afflict the Republican Party like the Black Death.

  February 21, 2008 --- Plagiarism. Madonna G. Constantine is a Full Professor ( Full as in " Full of Herself " ) at Columbia University's Teachers College. In October of last year she plagiarized the Jena Six Hoax by hanging a noose on the doorknob of her office and then waddling up and down the campus, shouting RACISM at the ancient walls as well as the poor trees that were about to lose their leaves ( you would think that sight of Moby Dick's Sister in full cry would immediately induce a wholesale plight among Columbia's arborous Detective Club of Jersey Citypopulation!? ). Madonna G. Constantine, known to all who care as a BIG, FAT, BLOODY NUISANCE, is at it again ( Click Here for the Ugly Details )! Now no sooner exposed as an academic plagiarist that her bellows of RACISM have recommenced as if she were hiding a recorded message in the ample tank of her belly! She is a full-tenured Professor and it appears that Columbia is too frightened to fire her. Watch Out, Shipmates! Thar She Blows!!!

Madonna G. Constantine

    February 19, 2008 --- All Mobbed Up. Yesterday the current Dallas District Attorney released a raft of secret documents from the time of the Kennedy Assassination. The item that is getting the most press-play is a typed transcript that purports to be recorded conversation of a plot between Jack Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald in which the two discuss the killing of Robert Kennedy, who was the US Attorney General in 1963. The talk between them is heavy on the topic of getting rid of RFK because he is a constant nuisance to " the Chicago Boys. " If Bobby Kennedy is " gotten rid of, " Oswald says, then Jack would be effectively neutered. But hold your horses, conspiracy buffs, this newly revealed transcript appears to be a phony ( the Dallas DA, Henry Wade, had been signed up to participate in mock-u-mentary in 1967. The type-written Ruby/Oswald chit-chat appears to be a paper refugee from that never-realized project ).
   But hiding in plain sight, amid the newly released treasure trove, there is a sizable stack of blank membership cards from Jack Ruby's Carousel ( Strip ) Club. Members of the Dallas District Attorney's Office and the Dallas Police Dept. would show up at the Club with a signed card from a local gangster and be quickly escorted into the back of the club where the $ amount, under the goon's signature, would be paid out. Ruby's Club --- for all intents and purposes, an annex of the Chicago Mafia in the Southwest --- was not merely a place where women took off their clothes, but also a place where Dallas public servants, from law enforcement, voluntarily stripped themselves of integrity for corrupt coin. If a big payment was to be made, Ruby would go to Dallas Police Headquarters and hand it over personally to the deserving cop or ADA. Ruby had pals in blue and pals in suits. The line between the Carousel Club and Police Headquarters was a direct one. On November 24, 1963 Jack Ruby entered the basement of Police Headquarters and fatally shot Lee Harvey Oswald in the stomach while he was being propped up between two Dallas Detectives who Ruby knew on a first name basis. On November 24, 1963 a small world got even smaller.

  February 18, 2008 --- A President Day's Message : On this day in 1930 Clyde Tombaugh, at the Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Arizona, discovered Pluto. On September 11, 2001 George W. Bush discovered Uranus.

  February 16, 2008 --- Debbie Clemens Has Left the Building! Stop those reminders! Stop those nasty e-mails! Debbie Clemens has taken a Cyber Powder! Her website, full of glorious junk on offer, has bit the dust, at least for time being --- let's hope not permanently! Not even a yellow rose remains behind, just a curt note telling one and all about an orphan url. At least Debbie knows when to keep her mouth shut. If only Roger could take a page from her book!

   February 15, 2008 --- Man Shall Not Live by Bread Alone! Yesterday, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg said that the US " has a balance sheet that is starting to look more like a Third-World country. " It's not only the finances of the nation that are in trouble, Mr. Mayor. Have you been to the Port Authority Bus Terminal on 42nd Street lately? There are groups of Aliens there milling about, who look like they have just flown in from Mars, or seem to be standing around waiting for this year's Star Trek Convention to hit town.

   February 14, 2008 --- The Yellow Rose of Debbie Clemens. At yesterday's Congressional Hearings on HGH & Steroids, Debbie Clemens nervously rolled the stem of a lemon-yellow rose between her palms. The flower itself peeped nervously over her fingers and twitched spasmodically as it were replaying its last death-throes at the time of its fatal cutting. Debbie's face was pushed back in anger, featuring a turned-down, varnished scowl. Was the rose the " Yellow Rose of Texas " as in the old Mitch Miller song, or was it something else, altogether, of a different stripe? Afterall, Debbie Clemens looked like she was dressed for a funeral. She had on a Hillary-esqe BLACK Pants Suit over a Chianti Black & White chemise --- the only color in a grim ensemble. Could that suffering rose have had a French rather than a Texas connotation? In France, lemon-yellow roses are most often seen at funerals, clustered around the bottom fringes of coffins. In France, roses, like the one Debbie had, are called by undertakers la douleur jaunâtre from the French phrase la douleur de perdre un être cher ( sorrow from the loss of a loved one ). Oh, by the way, I almost forgot --- testimony at yesterday's hearing featured this one little tidbit : one fine day in Texas, in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand & Three, Brain McNamee, an employee of Roger Clemens, followed Debbie Clemens upstairs, at the Clemens Home, with a syringe sharked with Human Growth Hormone. There, in the confines of her bedroom, Debbie Clemens received a " test shot. " Her husband, Roger, was out playing golf at the time. The next day Debbie's flesh broke out in a rash and she began to itch uncontrollablly and the circulation of her blood seemed to freeze. She soon recovered and went on to pose in a bikini for Sports Illustrated. Yes, the mind reels as if it were an enormous trout, with a Sinker in its mouth, running to the dark side of a polluted pond on a stormy evening.

The Yellow Rose of Debbie Clemens

  February 11, 2008 ---  Comet Kohoutek. On January 29, 1974, over WOR, Jean Shepherd talked about the Dining-Out experience in Bangor, Maine on the 4th of April, 1908. He also discussed one man's encounter with an early radio broadcast on Walnut Street in Philadelphia, circa 1922, and the prospective apple crop of that year. Boring, you say? When Shepherd talks, you listen! Click here for the mp3.

  February 10, 2008 --- If this Gig Doesn't Work Out, She Could Always Ask McCain to be His Running Mate. Hillary Clinton just got absolutely wiped out in yesterday's primaries. The Results --- Louisiana : Obama 57%, Clinton 36%; Nebraska : Obama 68%, Clinton 32%; Washington state : Obama 68%, Clinton 31%. Don't be surprised! When you are to the Right of John McCain, and call yourself a Democrat, you will lose in the primaries. Hillary, now is the time to resurrect those Superfly/Drug rumors that you've been keeping in your bag of tricks. The hour is late!

   ADDENDUM: Feb. 9, 2008 --- John McCain is the New Brand X ! Two Lab Workers take a sample of a new product that they have just whipped up. They pour the contents of a bottle into a glass and hand it to the Chairman of the Board. " This is New Coke®, " the first Lab Worker says. " Try it. " " What was wrong with old Coke®? " the Chairman of the Board asks. After drinking a little from the glass, the Chairman frowns and says " It tastes funny. " " That's because you smoke cigarettes. Everything you put in your mouth tastes funny, if it's not a Camel, " the second Lab Worker says. The Chairman of the Board promptly fires the two Lab Workers, thereby saving the company from making a grievous business decision.  With the money saved, the Chairman of the company contributes heavily to the McCain for President campaign. After McCain is elected, he bombs China and China invades Taiwan. America loses the war because, as a counter measure, the 101st Airborne parachutes into Buenos Aires and is utterly massacred. The soda company is surrendered to the Chinese as war reparations. Confucius say : He who is fool in short run is also fool in long run. He who is wise man in short run, if he be Republican, will wind up wearing his pants backward, all for sake of Party Loyalty.

  ADDENDUM : Feb. 9, 2008 --- All in the Steroids Family! Is Debbie Clemens just another juicer? Hey, those breasts look store-bought to me! The photo below is brought to you courtesy of Sports Illustrated and Brian McNamee. ( Because of Technical Difficulties our traditional photo of Debbie Clemens is out of commission. We substitute a mock-up, Below, of what Brian McNamee might have seen in his mind's eye before he injected Debbie with a " hot batch " --- of Human Growth Hormone, that is! ).

    ADDENDUM: Feb. 8, 2008 --- A Right Cross from the Past. Remember the Jena 6 fiasco and ensuing hootenanny? I'll bet that many of you don't. At the time I was criticized by some members for not commenting at length on this Deep Southern Farce. The obvious problem, with media created shindigs, is that one man doesn't get to call any the shots when the Corporate Media has a monopoly on the microphone. The Corporate Media just goes blithely along, concocting the most outrageous lies and demanding that the public bow down and worship its latest electronic fabrications. Jena, Louisiana, was simply a commonplace example of a small group of thuggish black teenagers running roughshod, like runaway horses, through a Jerkwater town, until whites in that town finally got fed up and had the black kids collared and jugged. All this, somehow, was turned into a fresh example of the Emmet Till case. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton swooped down, filled their pockets and talked big. Twenty thousand out-of-towners showed up and staged a combination rally, march, and picnic. And then the phony " problem " just slowly petered-out. Reality decided to dawn. And, as everybody knows, Reality, like Feces, happens! Here is the latest example of Reality from the latest editions »»»

    One of the "Jena Six" defendants was arrested yesterday for allegedly assaulting a fellow student at a Texas high school. Bryant Purvis, 19, was busted on the misdemeanor charge following an 8:30 AM altercation at Hebron High School in Carrollton, where his family relocated from Louisiana. [ According to the arresting officer, ] Purvis assaulted a male student he apparently suspected of vandalizing his auto. Along with choking the 18-year-old victim, the 6' 6" Purvis allegedly slammed the teenager's head on a table.

   ADDENDUM, Feb. 7, 2008 ---  They Keep Coming. The Bush administration has just abolished the rule requiring Agricultural Foremen to advertise agricultural jobs at local state-run employment offices. The effect of this recension of practice will be an increase of illegal aliens in the country and and a further lowering of the level of wages paid for farm labor. The failure to legalize 20 million foreigners last year means that laws protecting against the exploitation of scab foreign labor must now be twisted and bent to accommodate big business : the Gospel according to George W. Bush.

  ADDENDUM, Feb. 4, 2008 --- If You Keep Doing That You'll Go Blind! Jessica Alba is the star of The Eye, an American remake of a Cantonese ( Hong Kong ) horror/thriller that was well received in Asia. The remake was released here with no advance screenings for critics --- and rightly so, the next-day reviews are universal in saying that the film is a stinkbomb --- and Alba has received no praise for her acting abilities in the film. Even so, the picture pulled in a Box Office Gross of 13 million over the weekend, which is not bad for a stinkbomb. Dear Jessica has star quality, or, in her case, Naked Impact. Into the Blue had plenty of Naked Impact: the assortment of bikinis ( dry & wet ) she wore in that 2005 movie would have gotten her arrested if she had showed up sporting them on the Jersey Shore ( even the Sheriff would admit that Jess is HAWT before he hauls her away in cuffs! ). Fans of La Nudité de l ' Alba are advised to forgo The Eye and save their money. The Eye is supposed to be a serious stinkbomb of a movie. There isn't a bikini in sight, not even a pair of sexy bloomers.

  ADDENDUM, February 3, 2008 --- Rickenbacker Would Have Laughed at Him! When he was in the US Navy, John McCain lost 5 --- count 'em --- 5 Planes! The Details ( Click Here ) are not pretty.

Fredia Ann Veitch
ADDENDUM, February 2, 2008 --- Fools & Knaves Behind the Wheel. It seems that Jim Leyritz was not the only drunk driver that night ( December 28, 2007 ). The woman he crashed into and killed, when he blew a red light, was even more inebriated than he was. The coroner reports that the victim's ( Fredia Ann Veitch ) blood-alcohol level was 0.18. Leyritz' b-a level was 0.14. Veitch worked as a bartender and Jimbo was a customer. It's those free samples that will always get you in the end.

ADDENDUM, Jan. 31, 2008 --- There is Nothing New Under the Sun ( John McCain ).
In 1940 there was a popular saying in Missouri that went something like this :  " I own a Jackass, who is fat and silky. When He plows in front of me, He looks like Wendell Willkie. "

   ADDENDUM, Jan. 29, 2008 --- The Race So Far. Among the candidates there has only been one surprise : John McCain. After the Amnesty Bill crashed and burned in the Senate in June of last year, his chances seemed hopeless. What he has done to revive himself is just simply to stay the course. He has risen as Rudy Giuliani has fallen. Only Republican voters around here really knew Rudy Giuliani, but far from the tri-state region ( New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut ) he ( Time's Man of the Year, Whoopee! ) was a mystery. Everybody in these parts knows that Rudy had the NYPD guard his mistress and run errands for her on the taxpayers dime, but when this became known to the public at large, two months ago, Giuliani's poll numbers sank like a stone. Today he loses the Florida primary. It is a question of when, not if, he pulls out of the race. So far McCain has only won in those states in which Independents and/or Democrats are permitted to vote in the Republican polling. Florida is a Republicans Only primary. If he wins Florida tonight, even barely, he will have a head of steam going into Super Tuesday. If he loses, even barely, then Mitt Romney will be the Front Runner and, after raking in delegates on Super Tuesday, Gumby ( our boy, Mitt?! ) will be practically unstoppable.
    The Daft Corporate Media keeps telling us that Barack Obama kicked arrière-train in South Carolina on Saturday. But wait a minute, Cowboy, he got less than 25% of the White vote in a state in which more than 50% of the Dem. primary voters are Black. Those approximate conditions will not obtain again on Super Tuesday in any non-Dixie state. So Obama will certainly not knock Hillary out of the running on Super Tuesday. Nor will Hillary lay Obama low next week. She is a shockingly weak candidate. Ever since she came to grief over the issue of Driver's Licenses for Illegal Aliens, she has walked one step behind the relevancy curve. She cannot make the voters forget about her past bribe-taking and her wild words. And the fact that her husband remains the most reviled ex-President in US history does little to help smooth her way to the nomination. Just think of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton as two clubhouse Balookas who can't put each other away. So now there are four " Likelies: " Madman Johnny McCain, Gumby Mitt, $100,000 Hillary, and Barack " Change, Just Don't Ask Me What Kind of Change " Obama. In our darkest hour, we are cursed to choose a term-limited Dictator who cannot find his or her arrière-train with both hands! Dump Dollars and buy Euros and hide them in your socks! I've even heard that painted sea shells are rising in the market and might turn out to be a good investment!

   ADDENDUM, Jan. 25, 2008 --- RFK Baloney. William Blake said that we believe a lie when we see with, not through, the eye. Perhaps no better example exists than the Quixotic 1968 President Campaign of Sen. Eugene McCarthyBobby Kennedy. Every inch the thrusting, grasping, self-promoting politician Kennedy entered the race only after Senator Eugene McCarthy of Minnesota had done the necessary spade work of challenging the incumbent President, Lyndon Johnson, in the New Hampshire primary. Shock waves of political disbelief ( Johnson 49%; McCarthy 42% in NH ) had hardly ceased to ripple before Kennedy followed " Clean Gene " down an alley and mugged him for every penny of his political thunder. Where once Bobby was afraid to take on LBJ for the nomination, he jumped into the race only after McCarthy had shown that Johnson could be beaten. The other myth about Kennedy was that he was an anti-war ( Vietnam ) candidate. Nothing could be further from the truth. Bobby was gung-ho about beating the VC and was not shy about saying so. McCarthy was the only true anti-war aspirant in the Dem. race and conducted himself accordingly. But we live in an age when history is told on tape and film, so we see with, not through, the eye. John Pilger has some choice words ( click here ) to say about " Saint Bobby. "

   ADDENDUM, Jan. 23, 2008 --- The Pot Calling the Kettle a Negro. The other day Hillary Clinton accused Barack Obama of having crooked ghetto friends. That's Paris Hilton! That's Hot! Why didn't Obama remind her that once upon a time she took a $100,000 bribe and funneled it through the Cattle Futures Market in a not very clever attempt to paint over her dirty paw prints? Hey you, over there, fight back!

  ADDENDUM, Jan. 2o, 2008 --- Hookers for Paul. Nevada Dem Confusion. Who said the Corporate Media won't cover the Ron Paul Campaign? Last night, I was watching one of the Network News shows and --- guess what! --- Ron Paul got some --- coverage that is! It would appear that the good Doctor is the preferred candidate among Pimps, Whores, & Johns in the state of Nevada. They just seem to love our Boy! Pimps, smoking cigars, told us that they and Ron Paul both believed in Free Enterprise! Hookers told us about how they coaxed their tricks into getting them to make donations to the Ron Paul Campaign. Johns told us Why Whores for Paul are Better in Bed! You've got to love the Corporate Media! They refuse to ignore Ron Paul, who finished a distant second behind Mitt Romney yesterday in Nevada. The rumors that Ron Paul will be cast as an aged Doctor who frequents a bespectacled prostitute, who is given to having serious conversations with her clients about the Gold Standard and the Federal Reserve Act of 1913, all before spreading her legs, in a remake of the Happy Hooker, are false.
  Despite Preliminary Reports that Hillary Clinton bested Barack Obama in the Dem. Nevada Caucus yesterday, Obama may well have picked up more convention delegates --- the Hillster winning only the preference part of the contest. At this point in time the Corporate Media are confused about who actually won more Donkey delegates. You got to love the US Corporate Media! Always precise and right on the money! ( Lesbian Prostitutes for Hillary and High Horny Hookers for Obama somehow have been edited out of election coverage. Remember Hillary and Obama are real candidates for President while Ron Paul is not! ).

   ADDENDUM, Jan. 12, 2008 --- The Bleeding Obvious, Part 362. It looks like there will be a recount in New Hampshire. In retrospect, the call for a recount was inevitable --- given the fact that that Paragon of Virtue, Hillary Clinton, was about ten points behind Obama in the opinion polls and wound up beating him by 3 points in the final poll that mattered! But there is a hitch! Electronic Voting Machines are designed to leave no paper trail, so a recount, done the old fashioned way, by hand, is out of the question! --- and according to reports, about 80% of all voting apparatus in New Hampshire is electronic. Obama won in those " primitive " precincts that still use a No. 2 Ticonderoga and a 4 x 6 card to record individual votes. By now, everybody knows how to hack an electronic voting machine : you open up the back, unscrew the plate, insert your miniature jump-drive with more Hillary votes than Obama votes on it, put the screws back in the plate, close up the back, and laugh your head off when you read in the newspapers five days later that about 80% of all voting in New Hampshire was done electronically!
   Did Hillary Burst into tears when she took a $100,000 Bribe and had it laundered electronically through the Cattle Futures Market all those years ago? One thing about our gal Hill, you can bet the farm that she " tips " only poll watchers who know how to handle a miniature jump-drive! You can bet there ain't no bugs on Thoroughly Modern Hillary!

    ADDENDUM, January 11, 2008 --- Yeast. On a night in May of 1961, over WOR in New York, Jean Shepherd created a 45 minute radio broadcast that is part Primal Scream and part one-man discourse on the Concept of Original Sin. I say " created " because a good Shepherd broadcast is the aural equivalent of watching Rodin work in clay. This broadcast has both the worst and best of Shepherd in a grain of sand, as it were : which is to say, he bays at the moon and talks like Plato, all in alternating breaths. Click here to get the mp3 --- and tell me I'm not right on in my description of the outlandish proceedings!

   ADDENDUM, January 9, 2008 --- Correction. Yesterday this Page ran an item stating that Mike Huckabee favored a Constitutional Amendment stripping illegal aliens of the right of  " birthright citizenship. " According to, such a position is a gross misstatement of his views regarding Illegal Aliens. It appears that he thinks Illegal Aliens, born of Illegal Aliens, on US soil, should be considered US Citizens under US law. As far as the Huckster is concerned, it is a Peachy Idea and outright slander to say that he is against little Illegal Aliens Babies, who in the eyes of Jesus Christ --- and that's all that matters, are as pure as the driven snow. But one question remains : can you slander the Devil?

  ADDENDUM, Jan. 8, 2008 --- Running with the Devil. Mike Huckabee reminds you that, in comic books, the Preacher character always seems to chase young girls, get drunk on whiskey, and lie a lot about Theology. Huckabee has recently made noise about pushing for an amendment to the Constitution that would prohibit birthright citizenship to the children of illegal aliens born on American soil. Going to Mike Huckabee, in hopes of doing something about the Third World Invasion of the US, is like walking over to the AC/DC table at a flea market in the hope of finding a complete collection of Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes! Preposterous! The Huckster is again playing the Generally Dumb Public for Complete Morons. Under the Fourteenth Amendment to the US Constitution, Congress alone has the power to determine who becomes a US Citizen at birth; and Congress has done so when it passed legislation granting groups such as the Sioux and Puerto Ricans, once subjects of Spain, American Citizenship.
    In 1980, when the first Cuban Streetwalker, newly arrived in Miami, courtesy of the Jimmy Carter's Mariel Boatlift, flopped down on the docks and gave birth to a newly minted American Citizen, it was plain that there was going to be a growing future problem which Congress would need to address under the Fourteenth Amendment --- in a nutshell, would foreigners and their offspring be allowed to brake American Visa laws and then be amnestied and rewarded? Since 1980, the answer has been a resounding YES! Democrat & Republican controlled Congresses have been perfectly happy to do nothing and stand idly by while the Invasion gathers bigger and bigger heads of Steam! Yet Governors like the Huckster have shaken down their taxpayers for welfare benefits to Illegals! I want the same Dictionary that Huckabee is using : the one with the word " shame " torn out!

  ADDENDUM, January 7, 2008 --- Clemens Sues Trainer for Defamation : Latest --- At 2:00am CST the Houston Chronicle reported that Roger Clemens has filed a law suit for Defamation of Character against his former trainer Brain McNamee. According to the Report, Clemens says that US government agents frightened McNamee into stating that he injected Clemens with banned substances ( steroids, HGH ) while in Clemens' employ. The early reaction --- to this law suit --- is that it will give Clemens an excuse to stonewall all questions coming from the members of an investigating Congressional Committee. Speculation would have it that Clemens will dodge a Congressman's questions about illegal drug use by simply answering that he cannot be fully forthcoming because the matter of his doping behavior is " sub judice."

January 1, 2008
We Made It!!!!!!
 Hung Over?
The Coat of Arms of Blackburn
I read the News today, Oh, Boy!
4,000 Holes in Blackburn, Lancashire;
And though the Holes were rather small,
They had to count them all!
Now they know how many Holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall!
( i'd love to turn you on ).

  ADDENDUM, December 31, 2007 ---  Kristol ! When I heard that the New York Times Company had hired William Kristol, a Socialist and a Zionist in good standing, to be a regularly appearing columnist in the pages of its flagship publication, I first thought I was hearing a sick joke, and an exceptionally poor one at that. But the advent of William Kristol at the Times is true! Kristol is supposed to bring in a " conservative " point of view, which is supposed to pop out of his bag of brilliance! How is bombing Iran, keeping the borders of the United States open, while keeping the Israeli security fence growing ever higher --- how I ask you -- are these opinions even remotely conservative? There is a strong rumor making the rounds that Rupert Murdock ( Kristol's former boss ) is letting Kristol go over to the Times in the hope that he will, at first, destroy the reputation of the paper and then viability of the company itself. Who knows? After all, Kristol thinks the American Occupation of Iraq is a success!
  Richard Cummings has some amusing things to say about this most recent example of pure farce in the Corporate Media.

   ADDENDUM, Dec 30, 2007 --- Must There be a Reason for Everything? According to Erica Chevillar ( smiling below ) : " There was a lot of partying going on. Everyone was drinking. " She is describing the happenings at the Jim Leyritz birthday party, where she was in attendance. Erica is a member of the USA National Bikini Team ( I kid you not ). She is also known as the " Bikini History Teacher. " But maybe not anymore, because she was fired from her High School teaching job when her boss, who was also School Principal, saw her spread in Playboy. Oh by the way, Jim Leyritz plowed his car into Fredia Ann Veitch, mother of two, who had just knocked off from work as bartender. Jim Leyritz is reputed to have been a good customer. Fredia Ann is dead and Jim is looking for a good lawyer. Erica Chevillar? She is talking to any reporter who will listen --- with her clothes on, of course.

    ADDENDUM, Dec. 30, 2007 --- The Last Dog has been Hung. ( find a cat ). This Morning, the New York Times has a very long and long-winded editorial on illegal immigration into the United States ( are all New York Times editorials long-winded? ). It is more of the same. The editorial praises the Democrats for being in favor of amnesty and condemns all Republicans for speaking out against the idea ( almost all, the editorial WE just loves John McCain! ). But the editorial is remarkable for one thing : its many sentences refuse to acknowledge the recent past. Just this Spring, Senate phone lines collapsed; Senate Fax machines melted down; and Senate e-mail boxes went poof! because outraged constituents flooded the offices of Republican & Democrat Senators with pure, hot, electronic, righteous anger. An Amnesty Bill for illegals aliens breezed through the Senate, with a winning margin of more than 60 votes, in 2006. In 2007, after 6 new Democrats were installed and the Party took control away from Republicans, supporters of Amnesty ran up against filibuster upon filibuster and collapsed into an ignominious heap of defeat! Shouldn't more Democrats have meant more goodies for their pets, the Illegals? Why, the Dems look on criminal foreigners in much the same way as a Banker loves his Gold Reserves. Where the latter sees Real Money, the former sees Real Votes! The 1965 Immigration legislation, opening our borders to the Third World, was still sacred in 2006. How could a minor amendment to it in 2007 bite the dust harder than an Extra in a Spaghetti Western? The answer is one precious word : REALITY!; and reality, boys and girls, is a thing that employees of the New York Times don't feel obliged to take cognizance of.
    Listen to the Music of History. Beginning in the 1880s, it seemed that every peasant in Europe dreamed of entering the United States. All it took was sufficient funds to buy the $20 ticket ( the equivalent of about $800 today ) for the trans-Atlantic passage. As these newly minted Americans arrived, a political sentiment arose among Americans already here, Enough! Naples or Minsk were strange foreign places that Americans wished not to see constructed in America. But the United States was still an unsettled and under-populated country; Emma Lazarusbusiness and political classes wanted cheap workers and steady voters to shoulder the laboring burden. If you did not work, you did not eat. If you did not vote the way of the ward boss, you did not get coal for the scuttle nor wood for the fireplace. There was no system of welfare or social security. The poor did not receive free hospitalization : they went to public medical institutions to die, and were supposed to do so quickly to free the bed. If you bought a stamp, it was to mail a letter. Stamps for Food were messages you wrote begging for a loan. Immigrants would could not hack it in America, hit up their relations for the passage money to return home --- simple as that!
However, round about 1905, immigration to the US and American life in general would take on a more complicated stripe. A group of Italian immigrants, called, at first, Galleanists after their leader and who would be lated called bomb-throwers --- because that's what they did : they blew things up! --- started to draw attention to themselves. But until 1920 they had little effect on immigration policy because practically all their targets were idle rich folks. A not very amusing example of this class warfare was the time the Galleanist chef of a ritzy hotel became so enraged at the sight of the diamond-studded stuffed shirts and chemises, attending a particularly gaudy chow-down, that he poured a pint of arsenic into the soup cauldron ( no diner was killed, because the dosage was so strong that the laced soup was instantly spit out ). But in 1920 single murderous attempts against wealthy people became more generalized in scope. In June of that year, the US Attorney General's house in Washington, DC was bombed, along side other houses nearby, which were also badly damaged. In September, Wall Street was rocked by a massive explosion that killed more than 30 people and maimed hundreds more. In 1921, 1923, and 1924 immigration legislation was passed that greatly restricted the level of immigration from Eastern & Southern Europe, and many Galleanists were unceremoniously and quickly deported. Reality had caught up with Politics after more than forty years. Emma Lazarus & the Statue of Liberty could no longer be mentioned in polite society. The United States government had just built two fences overnight. Their names were Atlantic and Pacific.
    For the last forty years, the editorial page of the New York Times has lived in a Willy Wonka fantasy land on the subject of immigration, full of Oompa-Loompas and wax tea cups. Republican voters inhabit a different universe entirely. Theirs is a world of menacing change. When they look around, they see Rivers of Blood, not Rivers of Chocolate. Crime and Poverty have been the off-shoots of the 1965 Immigration Bill & the Amnesty Bill of 1986. America is well on the way to becoming just another Third World shithole. That's what happened in 2007, REALITY finally dawned for some politicians. Here's hoping, that in 2008, more and more Americans hear the alarm clock when it rings.

   ADDENDUM, Dec. 29, 2007 --- Screwball. It may be said that Jim Leyritz has sounded a fitting coda to the Year in Baseball, 2007. The other night, after having a few pops too many, jokester Jim staggered into Jim Leyritz Mug Shothis vehicle and roared off into the night, absolutely feces-faced. He blew a red light and smashed into a car driven by a young woman. Such was the impact of the crash that the woman was ejected from her vehicle, coming to a stop on the asphalt, face down. Medics scraped up what was left of the woman off the street and rushed to save her, but their valiant efforts would prove to be in vain : she succumbed to her injuries a short time later in a local hospital. It seems that Jimbo has a problem with the Demon Rum --- but that's just it with Stew Bums, they make their little problems your one big problem, particularly when they've had a snoot-full. At the scene of the crime ( manslaughter ) Leyritz refused to take a Breathalyzer Test. Smelling like Eau de Johnny Walker Red, the cops cuffed him and compelled him to donate his blood, type ginmill, at the same hospital were the unfortunate woman had been taken. Jim didn't brake the machine, but when the results came back from the lab wrapped in a cocktail napkin with a swizzle stick and little paper umbrella attached, it's safe to say that he failed the sobriety test going away! What do you think, Jim? Two or three years in the state pen might just be the ticket! You'll probably need the time to dry out. Good on ya, Jim! Is killing a perfectly innocent lady on the street with your car just another hysterical joke, you Drunken Bum, you?

 ADDENDUM, Dec. 26, 2007 --- Dead Again. ( the Saga of Rudy Ghouliani ). Sinking precipitously in national and state polls, Rudolph Giuliani is struggling to stay above ground and keep company with the nightcrawlers and the grasshoppers. It was not so long ago --- in Sept., around the time of the 9-11 Observances --- that Rudy was touted by " experts " ( they're on TV and you're not! ) as the frontrunner and the man to beat in the race for the Republican Presidential Nomination. At what precise moment did he fly off the rails and end up in the proverbial ditch, or was it a slow gradual downcline to political destruction? Remember the night St. Rudy rounded on Ron Paul and demanded that the Texas Congressman apologize for claiming that the US Military was in the wrong for invading Iraq? After all, Rudy said in so many words, the more foreign innocents killed the better for the gude ole OOOh SSSSSSS Ay! Or was it the apartment dweller who spoke to the camera and told the lens that she couldn't believe what she saw one morning on her block : the spectacle of a burly New York City Gold Shield Detective walking the dog that belonged to Rudy Giuliani's girlfriend, and watching on in astonishment as One of New York's Finest stooped down to clean up after the beloved, tiny mongrel with a pooper-scooper, all the while clocked in on the Taxpayer's dime! I'm sure, gentle reader, that you can clutch tightly to your own particular, precious moment when you thought you saw the St. Rudy Campaign go down, like the LZ129 Hindenburg, in brilliant flame. Only the day and time of his withdrawal, from the race, remains uncertain. When will he pull out? --- after New Hampshire or wait until Michigan? Place your bets, ladies & gentlemen, place your bets!

   ADDENDUM, December 25, 2007 --- You Are Getting Sleepy ! Senator Hillary Clinton has just confessed that the reason she voted for the Invasion of Iraq, in 2002, is due to the hypnotizing telephone technique of Condi Rice. It appears that Madame Rice is a practicing Mesmerist, and that she does not draw the line at using her extraordinary abilities, while talking on the telephone, to further the policy objectives of her boss, President George W. Bush. A Question of the Ages has finally been revealed!

  ADDENDUM, December 24, 2007 --- Stink Bomb. The Daily Comic Strip " Get Fuzzy " has always been a personal favorite, but in the last year or so, it has been God-awful, with very few exceptions. 2006 was a banner year for the strip ( Shakespug --- above --- has always been a particular love ). But rotten, rotten is the way things have going lately and Darby Conley knows it. Perhaps a new ghost writer would help? Has Conley been using a ghost writer?

 ADDENDUM, December 22, 2007 --- The North American Union just Keeps Rolling Along ! Yesterday the New York Sun ran a rather disturbing news article, concerning the manner in which illegals are allowed to leave the United States for a brief time during the Christmas season and then return. According to the article, it seems that the Mexican government has been allowed to take bear tonguecharge of exit procedures for its nationals at JFK Airport ( NYC ), O'Hare ( Chicago ), and LAX ( Los Angeles ). When a Mexican national, in this country illegally, goes to a Mexican government staff official, present in a " mini-consulate " at all of the aforementioned US airports, the Mexican illegal is issued a provisional Mexican document that is instantly acceptable to any US official, who is theoretically responsible for the examination of foreign nationals wishing to exit the United States. The fancy name given to this outrageous state of affairs is the " Western Hemisphere Travel Initiative. " And you thought that the US government was building a fence along the border with Mexico? P. T. Barnum was right --- In the US, there's a sucker born every nano-second ( not including the sacred immigrants, of course! ).

Nicol Williamson - Dipsomaniac ADDENDUM, December 19, 2007 --- Dipsomaniac on Parade ! There is a short memoir on the boozy presence of Nicol Williamson, written by Paul Rudnick, a playwright. It appears in the two-week special edition of the New Yorker magazine ( December 24 & 31, 2007 ). After Rudnick wrote the play, I Hate Hamlet in 1990, he offered the leading role of John Barrymore's ghost, to Nicol Williamson.  Rudnick had just bought the Golden Ticket for a one way trip to Dante's Inferno. He thought that Williamson's reputation as a full-time, violent drunkard was over blown. In point of fact, he felt that Williamson would bring a slice of Method Acting to the role of Barrymore. It would prove to be one of those decisions, that during the course of a lifetime, stand out as being on a par with self-mutilation and only slightly less irrevocable than suicide. What a hooched up terror Williamson was! --- he appears to have been stewed to the gills for 25 hours in the 24! Did I say Dante's Inferno? According to Rudnick, working with Williamson would make Dante's Inferno look like a Girl Scout Weiner Roast! The incidents that Rudnick relates --- well, just go out and buy the mag, it'll be on sale for two weeks, so you have time. The price is $4.99, and it's worth every penny!
     I Saw Williamson in the Broadway productions of Uncle Vanya and I Hate Hamlet. Very tall and Scottishly pale, he had a piecing tenor voice that he could bring down low, at will, and to great effect. Sometimes excessive alcohol, once removed, gives pleasure to the audience, even if John Barleycorn damages the health of the direct recipient ( don't get me started on my story about Richard Burton and the whiskey shakes! ). Williamson's voice is front and center on the Argo four-disc LP album of Tolkien's the Hobbit --- but the recording has gone out of print and is, nowadays, only available as a bootleg. After 1997, Nicol Williamson has apparently vanished from the face of the earth. For ten years, no hide nor hair of him has been reported. There is an Internet rumor going around, that claims he made a brief appearance on British TV in 2006. But it was probably a bottle of Johnny Walker Red dressed up for Halloween.

   ADDENDUM, December 17, 2007 --- Are English Men Fed Up With English Women? From the pages of the Times : I love English women. The great love of my life was English. I always thought I would end up with an English girl. But I’m never getting laid in Britain ever again.

   I ensured this by writing an article last week in The Times, comparing British and American women and asking why British women don’t spend the time, money and effort on their upkeep that American women do. What started out as a light-hearted, anecdotal account of my impressions of dating women on both sides of the Atlantic has exploded into a national furore.

  Granted, my comments were provocative. I described an English girl I was once set up with as “something that would surely have been happier hunting truffles in the forests of central France”. I also said this woman had been described to me as “having the body of a 20-year-old” to which I responded, “maybe she did ... dismembered in her freezer at home. She certainly didn’t have it on her skeleton”.

  I didn’t expect to make friends when I wrote that you “don’t exactly need calipers to figure out in which country the women look after themselves more”. But the response has been insane. A large number of comments on The Times’s website might be 20 or 30: my article drew 550. The Sun ran a spread on my story and The Guardian anointed me Sexist of the Year.

 I was utterly unprepared for the avalanche, but I stick to my guns: when British women reach the age where looking good is no longer effortless, they seem unwilling or unable to rise to the challenge. And judging by the vitriol of the response, I realize I’ve not only touched a nerve, I’ve reached into the underbelly of a deep, dark insecurity. Nobody gets that defensive about something they don’t care about.

 The comments about my piece fall into several categories. The point most made by a long, long way is that I’m a prat (or as Marv writes, “as shallow as a one-inch pool of frozen water”): tough one to argue with, so I’ll leave it well alone.

 After that, by far the most common point the humourless drones want to make is that they’d rather be frumpy with wonderful personalities than Barbie dolls with nothing between their ears.

  This argument is so patently absurd that I can hardly believe it. It is not binary: you can have a personality and an arse that doesn’t take up two seats on the bus. If you can retain your wonderful, cheerful, sweet, fun personality and be beautiful is that not better? Or, Anna L from Kent, is your sweet personality inextricably tied to your being a size 16 ... like Samson’s strength is to his hair?

  I don’t suggest that British women take the money from your education fund and put it towards plastic surgery. Nor do I suggest you take the hours per week dedicated to cultural and intellectual pursuits and use them for beauty treatments. Just take the time you dedicate to sitting on the sofa eating femur-sized Toblerones while watching EastEnders. (Thank you, Lizzy from Harrow, for the insight that I “will have boring children” ... probably not, as I don’t intend to have children with you).

  Next is that British women don’t want to be obsessed with beauty regimes. Again, this is not an either/or.

  Many women seem to think that doing anything more than their current routine would deem them fixated. At what point, I ask you, does “a healthy interest” turn into “obsession”?

  Flossing? Waxing? Skipping pudding once in a while? Or is the moment you hire a trainer the start of an irreversibly slippery slope to waking up one day as Joan Rivers?

  ADDENDUM, December 17, 2007 --- Tough Talk in the UK. Tomorrow Liam Byrne, the Labour Immigration Minister, will stand up in Parliament and announce the government's intention to institute a £1,000 cash bond on all non-EU temporary residence visas for entry into the UK. " Over the next twelve months, [ Britain ] will see the biggest shake up in its history!, " he said. It is presumed that the bond would be deemed Liam Byrne, UK Immigration Ministerforfeit in the event of a visa overstay of one day past ninety. The Conservative Party Shadow Immigration Minister Damian Green said that the government plan was " tough talk rather than effective action. " The Labour Party gained only 35% of the vote in the last British General Election, but managed to take about 55% of all Parliamentary seats. The next General Election in Britain does not have to take place until Springtime, 2010. The Prime Minister Gordon Brown ( or Broone as he has often been derisively called ) may just wait that long before he calls for the election. The Labour Party are [ is, in American verb usage ] riding very low in opinion polls at the moment.

  December 16, 2007 --- Barack Obama, Superfly! No Black Drugdealer will live in the White House while Hillary's Around! Hillary Clinton instills certain characteristics in her minions, and when those characteristics emerge full blown, they sometimes must be punished, even if the lady upstairs encouraged such behavior, once upon a time. It must be understood that Hillary Clinton is a carnivore. She will start on your toes and feet for breakfast, devour the rest of your limbs for lunch, and chew out your brains for dinner. If your chosen New Hampshire campaign bigwig has shouted from the housetops that Barak Obama has a drug-dealing past, which the Republicans will be certain to highlight if he manages to get the Democratic Presidential Nomination, well then, out you go! Your devalued hide must be sacrificed for the greater good of the Hillster. Now that Mrs. Clinton is starting to fall down to second place in the polls, there are sure to be other sacrifices of downtrodden campaign workers in store! Obama, don't you dare step between Hillary and her intended destination! She'll rip your lungs out, Barack!

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